Say Hi First - A Theoretical Framework

 Some of you may have seen me get into “research mode.”  That is, the obsession with developing hypotheses and research questions about daily life – particularly social life – establishing control groups and experimental groups complete with independent/dependent variables, ensuring uncontaminated and truly randomly selected sample sizes, and then going out into the world to test the hypothesis all with the ultimate goal of simply learning more about my surroundings.  While I am a dreamer, pacifist and lover at heart, I am a researcher, investigator and explorer by nature – and really, these things can and should coexist quite well. Because my primary job here in Colombia is to do research, I tend to be in ‘research mode’ often.

A “research question” that has been brought to my attention on a daily basis since arriving in Colombia goes something like this:

What happens in Colombia when a blonde-haired, green-eyed, gringa-looking female…

…walks into a busy grocery store? 

…hops aboard a bus full of people?

…enters a classroom of 40 squirrelly 6^th graders at the school I’m conducting research and begins speaking Spanish with an American accent?

 …orders an arepa con queso on the street corner?

…makes a comment in her class at los Andes to an audience of 100-something Colombian students?

…walks down the street- any street will do- filled with pedestrians, cars, buses and taxis? 

The partial answer to most of these questions is this:  I get lots of stares.

While I am aware of peoples’ reactions, it doesn’t usually make me feel self-conscious or uncomfortable.  In fact, most days I find these responses endearing and interesting. 

But I’d like to hone in on one sample size in particular: men.  This group of onlookers and intense-gazers has led me to develop research question #2 (nerd alert):

Does her (‘her’ defined as formerly stated blonde girl) reaction (independent variable) to these reactions (constant; ‘reactions’ range from fixed gazes, or stares, to comments including, but not limited to, “princesa”, “mona”, “reina” and in some cases, “hissing” sounds uttered between the teeth as though calling for an animal) influence future reactions (dependent variable)?

The answer that I’ve found so far is: yes. My reaction to these stares does indeed make a difference.

My natural inclination in situations when I’m being stared at by men is to keep my eyes straight ahead, chin slightly up, and a stern, but not unnecessarily snooty expression on my face.  The accompanying internal monologue goes something to the effect of, “I don’t care if he honks his horn or yells from his scaffolding tower all day, I’m not acknowledging a single damn thing.”  However, as it turns out in my experience, the “ice queen strategy” (also known as the “ignore, ignore, ignore strategy”) seems to egg on even more attention – like it becomes a challenge of sorts, to try to elicit some sort of reaction out of me.  This observation caused me to try a different approach.

Here’s the strategy that has proven to diffuse 90% of all “staring situations” so that they do not escalate to prolonged stares, comments or unwanted attention (drum roll please….): say hi first.  Yep, this is what 4 months of diligent social research has yielded and I’m not at all disappointed.  It works beautifully!  I’ve been blown away at how a simple smile and “buenas tardes” completely turns the table and gets the ball back in my court.  More often than not, this strategy is reciprocated with a smile and “buenas tardes” in return and we both go on our merry way. 

There was one situation in particular where I tested the crap out of this theory: when my sister and I found ourselves a bit lost in a completely dodgy part of Santa Marta -our earthly possessions bulging from the packs on our back- desperately searching for the bus that would whisk us away to Tayrona National Park. Talk about stares, comments and feeling uncomfortable.  Nonetheless, a confident smile or wave and friendly “buenas tardes” went a long way in diffusing some of these dicey encounters.  My sister yelled at me for waving at creepy people and that’s when I explained to her my developing theory.

Perhaps it’s the way that speaking and smiling makes a person appear more human to others (“ah, the gringa speaks!”); perhaps my American accent or the “buenas tardes” confirms what they were wondering in the first place and puts everyone at ease; or perhaps people are indeed more friendly and less hostile than we (I) sometimes give them credit. 

It should be noted that the “say hi first” strategy applies to all people, not just men in Colombia, and not just to diffuse seedy situations.  I think it should become a habit to “say hi first” when checking out at the grocery store, for instance, or asking for cell phone credit at the Comcel store.  Fortunately, Colombians are quite adept at giving a proper greeting and farewell to perfect strangers; they really are some of the most genuinely friendly people on this planet.  After all, I think I learned the “ice queen strategy” from living in big cities in the US – people there can be pretty cold sometimes.  And it’s no coincidence that the “say hi first” strategy started to develop in this country full of warm people.  So, in true academic best practice, allow me to credit my source of inspiration behind this research design: Colombia et al, (2011): your constant stares caused me to re-think my cold reaction and your constant warmth and friendliness taught me to try a new approach and say hi first. 

Let’s remember that this theory has only been tested in the country of Colombia.  I urge any international readers to “say hi first” at every chance you get and see how it changes your daily interactions.  Just do it – say hi first.